Pumpkin Spice Latte Announces Retirement From Fragrance Game
Colleagues, friends, lovers, and enemies come together to celebrate Pumpkin Spice Latte’s iconic career via a comedy roast
A bit of fun by Native
Pumpkin Spice Latte shocked fans across the globe today by announcing that they’re officially throwing in the (bath) towel on their short-lived career as a Deodorant and Body Wash scent. Gourd help us all.
This pumpkin-shattering news comes amidst anticipation of Pumpkin Spice Latte’s annual fragrance launch—leaving consumers everywhere in a sheer panic of how they’ll exude a ‘nutmeg musk’ this fall.
Thankfully, every cloud has an orange lining, and personal care brand Native is making sure Pumpkin Spice Latte’s farewell won’t be a somber one. From August 16-31, they’ll be hosting a digital comedy roast (#PumpkinSpiceLatteGetsRoasted) to celebrate Pumpkin Spice Latte’s four years as the allspiciest scent in the biz.
When reached for comment, Pumpkin Spice Latte said they’re excited to get roasted: “Native gave me my first big break as a fragrance for personal care products, so it feels almost poetic that they’d be the ones to help me go out with a bang, or should I say burn.”
Attendees of #PumpkinSpiceLatteGetsRoasted can expect to hear spicy roasts like, “Pumpkin Spice Latte doesn’t mute their background noise during virtual meetings,” “Pumpkin Spice Latte tried roping their friends into a MLM,” and “Pumpkin Spice Latte captions photos, ‘I did a thing'” as well as some extra hot burns from Pumpkin Spice Latte’s inner circle.
“Those of us close to Pumpkin Spice Latte know that if anyone deserves to be raked over the coals, it’s them.” said longtime colleague, Coconut & Vanilla. “I think we’re all pretty excited for the chance to whip their cream, if you catch my drift.”
Fans can tune into the roast by following @native on social media or play along by posting their own roasts using the hashtag #PumpkinSpiceLatteGetsRoasted. They can also get daily roasts sent to them via SMS by texting ROASTED to 29071.
As for Pumpkin Spice Latte, now that they aren’t providing clove-fresh cleanliness and ‘patch to pit’ odor protection, they say they’ll be refocusing their efforts back to the beverage world: “We all remember when Michael Jordan left basketball to play baseball, right? Yeah, being an armpit scent was my MLB moment.”
But fall is not lost. According to a spokesperson for Native, they’ll be releasing a new collection of limited edition fall fragrances to take Pumpkin Spice Latte’s place: “We understand that these are big gourds to fill, but we’re hoping that pumpkin spice diehards—who tend to be mercilessly loyal to their cinnamon-y god—will welcome our new collection with open underarms.”
For more information: Pumpkin Spice Latte’s full statement is available for request via Jack O’ Lantern carving. (Must be read after sundown.)
Founded in 2015, Native makes personal care products that are good (the most effective daily staple on your shelf), clean (all products are free of sulfates, parabens, and phthalates), and fun (a lifestyle upgrade that feels like a Friday). Mother Earth and 18,000 5-star reviewers (and counting) love it. www.nativecos.com